Disclaimer: All characters belong to Paramount minus Ensign Christy Anderson and a few selected insignificant characters

The story of Ensign Christy Anderson, a young civilian scientist, shanghaied aboard Voyager when she departs to chase the Maqui…

In each sleepless night, there is an eternity, an endless void, enveloped between the folds of sunset and sunrise, camouflaged ever so nicely- or so it seems to me every night that I cry myself to sleep. My name is Christy Anderson, or rather Ensign Anderson, and to tell the truth, I came aboard Voyager quite by mistake. Not every young girl has been pulled across the Alpha Quadrant and into the Delta Quadrant and faced a journey that could take well over a lifetime, so I suppose I should consider myself lucky. But then, not every young Starfleet ensign skipped the Academy. In fact, I have never had any starship training, I was only a scientist, taken under the wing of Admiral Paris.

Mein Vater, sobald zu mir gesagt, daß Wissenschaft in meinem Blut war. Jeder meiner Vorfahren gewesen ein Wissenschaftler und das Unbekannte erforscht. In other words, My father once said to me that science was in my blood. Every one of my ancestors had been a scientist, exploring the unknown. In fact, even he was a well-known scientist for Starfleet.

I grew up in a small village in Lancaster Pennsylvania, an old Amish town, or so it used to be. Most people there still speak German, so I grew up learning it. Yet when I was about 8, my father moved my family closer to Starfleet Headquarters. He would take me to work with him in the science lab. In there was an old telescope that I was entrapped with, and I would sit there and gaze at the stars for hours. Eventually, it was that telescope that encouraged me to explore science. My earliest endeavors were promising, and I became well pronounced in the field of astronomy. In fact, it became my life, and the stars became my center of focus.

Unlike my father I already decided at 17 against joining Starfleet, but when he came home one day, he brought an old friend along, Admiral Paris. The Admiral was a great fan of my father's studies, and came to become a good fan of mine. Although I never published anything, my father took pride in my accomplishments and frequently shared them with others. The Admiral had come home with my father to offer me an exclusive chance to work with other Starfleet scientists aboard a science vessel. He said that he admired my intelligence and my many accomplishments he had come to know of, and he knew that my expertise and expanded vision could positively add to the mission. The job would last for three months, and during that time I would receive tutoring in learning to operate Starfleet sensors and such.

Yet I did not know that jumping at the chance would have caused as much trouble as it did. On the day I departed, I was shown to the U.S.S. Voyager. Strangely, this name did not match the one I had written down, yet no one seemed to listen to my concerns. All clad up in a new Starfleet uniform, I was mistaken for an ensign and rushed aboard Voyager. " Helfen Sie mir bitte. Ich bin verloren," I implored the surrounding people.

I entered a darkened corridor and had sat down. "All hands, this is the Captain, prepare for departure." I was startled at the strong voice of a woman. By now I most definitely knew I was not where I was supposed to be, but who would help me? I began to sob; eventually, someone came around the turn, a kindly woman.

I began to pour out the entire story in German, but I was quieted by the puzzled look on her face. I frantically searched for the right English words, but I was so distraught that I could not grasp a single phrase. Quietly she took my arm, "We'll go see the Captain," she said comfortingly. She led me expertly to the turbolift and soundly said, "Bridge." I did not know what to expect once we got there. Would they think I was a spy?

As we entered the bridge, Ensign Wildman boldly approached the Commander sitting in his chair. "Sir, I need to speak with the Captain immediately."

"I found a young woman in the halls, I do not believe she is a part of the Starfleet personnel on this ship."

"See for yourself," she said as she pointed over his shoulder to the spot where I was standing aside the turbolift. The look on his face had drained away as he saw my tearstained face. Warily he tapped his Comm badge. "Commander to Captain Janeway."

The Commander nodded over to a console. "You are in charge lieutenant until I get back."

As he entered the room he looked back to tell us to stay outside until we were summoned. I heard voices raising and shouting in the room. Eventually the doors swished open, and Ensign Wildman was escorted in. Yet I was told to remain outside. Afraid, I took a step back and crashed into a security guard that I had not seen come up behind me. Expertly he held me at phaser. It seemed an eternity that I stood there with him. Finally the doors opened and the Commander escorted the security guard and myself in. As I entered, I stood eye to eye with Captain Janeway. Her expression was not a happy one. She took in a deep breath. "What is your name and what are you doing on my ship?"

By now I had regained my composure enough to spit out, "Ensign Christy Anderson, sir."

The Captain looked at me and raised her eyebrow. I was sweating as my anxiety had increased.

The Captain cut me off. "Computer check the personnel list of the Federation starship Voyager, confirm if Ensign Christy Anderson is on there."

She turned to me. "Computer, check the Starfleet personnel list, confirm if Ensign Christy Anderson is on there."

"Temporary Starfleet service aboard the science vessel Celsius Prime; authorization Admiral Paris."

The look on the Captain's face immediately changed. She nodded to the others in the room, "Commander, Ensign Wildman, Ensign Cobey, you are dismissed." She watched intently until they had exited the room. "Come sit down, will you?" She turned and pointed to a seat that I hastily took. "Temporary Starfleet service? How old are you?"

The Captain was cut off. "Captain, we have picked up the Maquis ship on sensors."

Captain Janeway released a sigh, "On my way." She turned to me, "I'm afraid I'll have to confine you to Ensign Wildman's quarters for convenience's sake… you're to remain there until we have more time to discuss your situation."

I remained in the Ensign's quarters for the longest time. To paraphrase, we were pulled to the Delta Quadrant and met the Maquis before I was even thought of again. Ensign Wildman was the nicest person to talk to. I told her all about my childhood and my life. And the best part was, she was always there to lend an ear. I can not begin to tell anyone how I felt at that moment when I realized I wasn't going home for a long time. A faint memory of a familiar German saying came to mind, but I could not remember the rest of it. Die Lücke der Nacht überschattet Sie..., the void of night shall overshadow you… I knew there was more, yet the first part took over my mind. My emotions were erratic. What had started out as the opportunity of a lifetime, had now become a freak disaster. I fell into a deep depression. What made it worse was the feeling of isolation I had all the time- isolation from the crew, isolation from my family. It was wonderful when Samantha was off duty, but when I was alone, the depression hit the worst. Usually I would sit and stare out the window at the stars passing by- those same stars that had captured my spirit on earth.

Random thoughts would fly through my mind- especially the German phrase, Ich gehöre nicht hier, or I do not belong to here. The first time I was allowed out of my quarters was the Caretaker's doing, as he kidnapped every member of the ship to probe us for genetic information. Because I was confined to her quarters I never had any idea of what was happening on the ship. Sometimes I would hear sirens, other times just the silence… the piercing silence. Every coming day it seemed that the period of time grew longer and longer between Samantha's absences. Eventually, I stopped trying to amuse myself by playing games or recording a log. I would just lie there, anywhere, and wait for the tears to come- Ich fühlte also alleine und verlor in der Lücke der Nacht... I felt so alone and lost in the void of night.

I have never been so opposed to anything in my life as I was to the Captain's decision of destroying the array. What was five minutes compared to a lifetime? Her decision instantly turned the phrase "long time" into "never". Yet I was unsure if it hit Ensign Wildman or myself harder. I woke up during the night to her hysterical tears. Cautiously I stepped some of the various items cluttering the floor and came over to her bed. "What's wrong?" I asked her softly.

I nodded and remained silent. My father had told me once that people always felt more compelled to talk if you remained silent. Slowly my patience produced the desired affect, and Samantha looked up at me slowly. "It's just that… that… the EMH informed me today that I was, um… pregnant. And you know I'll never see my husband again."

Samantha weakly continued. "I do not know what I will do. My husband and I, we wanted this child so much. We tried for months, I had no idea of my condition when I left, or I would have never stepped foot on this ship. I… I… don't know how…"

My heart tore in two for her. Quietly I asked, "When will you tell the Captain?"

I smiled and offered her the best comfort I could, "Und alles ausarbeitet für gutes, für das gute von jeder, immer er. Egal wie grausame Sachen scheinen, können Sie auf diesem zählen, um zutreffend zu sein."

Samantha stared at me, "It sounds wonderful, but forgive me, I haven't a clue as to what you said…"

I laughed. "It means that everything will be ok, and that no matter how bad things seem to get, you can always count on them to become better, because when things go down, they must come up!"

"Everything has become so rocky… I can hardly spend another day in here… After awhile this room seems so confining. It is a hard task to keep oneself occupied."

"Well, we just fought off the Kazon, and nothing has happened for a while, I will be sure to mention your name to the Captain again. She should be able to see you soon, and I am confident that she will find you something to do on the ship. However, until then, I can be back here for lunch tomorrow."

"Of course," Samantha affirmed in her gentle manner. "But we should be getting to sleep. My next duty shift begins in three hours."

I nodded and retired to the other side of the room. When the computer beeped for Samantha to awaken, I decided to just lie there. Hurriedly I heard her enter the sonic shower and dress. As she rose to leave the room, she whispered a goodbye to me. Before the doors swished shut, I audibly replied, "See you at lunch."

When I finally awakened, I got into the sonic shower and dressed in a fresh pair of clothes Samantha had replicated for me. Bored, I roamed through Voyager's database. Files after files, I was rewarded as I finally found my father's. There were pages written on him and his service, but I was interested in his picture. I sat and stared at him. Wie ich wünsche, waren Sie hier... How I wish you were here.

"I'm afraid the Captain has confined me to Ensign Wildman's quarters," I responded to him indifferently. I decided to ignore the question about my Comm badge. Admiral Paris had given me a uniform and my identification, but not a Comm badge.

"Ensign Anderson, I have already cleared this with Captain Janeway. Report here immediately."

I sighed, and turned to the task of changing back into that exact same uniform. For the first time, I exited Samantha's quarters. There were so many people in the hallway. Unsure, I followed one person through the corridors. It was to my relief that she took me to the turbo lift. "Engineering," she said.

I turned my head and smiled. "Sick Bay," I commanded matter-of-factly. Another wave of relief washed over me as the computer took my voice command and began to move. After a few moments it lurched to a stop, and the doors opened. I stepped back waiting for her to get out.

"Your stop." My cheeks reddened as I realized her comment was addressed to me. I merely nodded my head and stepped out. Cautiously I turned to the left, and searched for sickbay. Lucky for me, it was close by.

As the doors swished open, I walked in to catch my first glimpse of the Doctor. "There you are, what took you so long?"

He pointed to a biobed, and then turned his attentions once again to a young girl. He was obviously agitated at my unfamiliarity. "Kes, you are in perfect health, from as much as I know about the Ocampan physiology."

She beamed a smile. "Thank you doctor." The sound of her warm voice was relaxing and calming.

The EMH suddenly interjected, "But I'll need you to stay for some additional scans."

He turned back to me and proceeded to ask me questions. "Ensign Anderson, how old are you?"

"I'm sorry, but I believe I already had this information taken from me before. Is this not in my file?"

The EMH looked more disturbed than ever. "I'm afraid Voyager's files are not that recent. Now, medical history?"

I gave a sigh and proceeded. "My mother suffered acute radiation poisoning when she was pregnant with me, but I was treated for that after birth. Aside from that, there's nothing more."

The questions came in an endless supply as he scanned me with a tricorder. Finally he waved passively to dismiss me. I jumped off the biobed and turned to exit sickbay. "Oh by the way," the EMH called after me, "I would like to give you this."

I looked back at him to see the small object in the palm of his hand. "It's a Comm badge. On a ship this size, you don't need to be without one."

I accepted it and pinned it on my uniform. The EMH continued. "You'll need to report back to Ensign Wildman's quarters immediately. Captain Janeway wishes for you to meet her in her ready room at 18:00 hours. Aside from that, it is impertinent that you report to sickbay next month for another checkup."

I nodded, and said goodbye to the girl named Kes, on my way out. Hesitantly I made my way back to the turbolift, and said, "Deck Four."

I wandered around the corridors, hoping to catch something familiar. Unfortunately the task was not as simple as I had presumed. Tears began to well up, but I forced them back. Dieses ist nicht die Zeit für Risse… this is not the time for tears. I was so caught up in my thoughts, that I plowed straightforward into someone.

He landed back with a thud. I stooped down to help him up. Rubbing his shoulder, he looked quizzically at me. "Lieutenant Paris, nice to meet you… and you are?"

A wave of small familiarity spread over his face. "The whole crew is talking about you. Pleasure to meet you finally. Are you lost?"

The computer beeped. "Ensign Wildman's quarters are on Deck Three, Section Eight."

Lieutenant Paris laughed some more. "You are on the wrong deck dear." Instantly he grabbed my hand and took me up a deck in the turbolift. Stepping out of the jolting ride, he pulled me down the corridors in front of Samantha's quarters. "Here you are," he said.

He brushed it off and beamed a smile. "Perhaps you'd like to join me for lunch tomorrow."

"No thank you," I replied coolly, "Captain Janeway has me confined to quarters until other notice."

I stepped inside Samantha's quarters gratefully, although, I was unsure of why I had that sensation. I had heard all about Tom Paris from my father; he was an uncertain young man with a knack for ending up in jail. My father and Admiral Paris would chat about him as if there were no end, yet I made a mental note to make sure that I kept an open mind until I witnessed those things for myself. After all, the Captain had seen enough good in him to promote him to Lieutenant.

I slowly slid into one of the easy chairs in middle of the room. Reflecting, I could easily see the unknown Lücke der Nacht, void of night, which stretched out before me endlessly. I was never to see my family again, never to live my old life again. Instead, I had to jump the void that laid between my old life and my new life in order to fit into what fate had seemingly dealt me blindly. I sat back and envisioned my new life… maybe, just maybe, the Captain would fulfill her promise and get us home. Haus ist, wo das Innere liegt, home is where the heart yearns to return.

I became startled at a sudden sound. My thoughts abruptly cut off as I recognized the sound of the room chimes.

I turned as Ensign Wildman entered the room. "Ready for lunch?" she chimed. "What do you feel like?"

"Apple Danish," I replied. "They were my favorite dish as a kid. If you could, get me some lemonade to go with that."

Ensign Wildman put in her voice commands and came over with our food. "I have some good news for you," she said. "The Captain would like to see you in her Ready Room at 18:00 hours."

I nodded. "The EMH informed me. I had to report for a checkup. Unfortunately on the way back, I got lost. Lieutenant Paris helped me find my way here."

Samantha laughed. "You should have called me to escort you. I know firsthand how easy it is to become lost. The good thing is that you made it back. Also, a word of advice, if you haven't heard about Mr. Paris…" Her voice dropped and became silent.

"At 18:00 hours," Samantha said cheerfully, "would you like to join me on the holodeck after we finish eating?"

I did not know what to expect on the holodeck, but I nodded positively. Anything would be better than staying here all afternoon alone. Then I remember I was confined to her quarters. "Will you have to clear it with the Captain?"

"Yes," she said, "and I already did. She said that some time on the holodeck might be the best way to stop you from going stir crazy in here. I know how hard it must be to see this mess I live in day in and day out."

I shrugged. "I'm just happy to be getting out of here finally," I responded evenly.

After eating, we departed for the holodeck, but when we got there, Ensign Wildman insisted I stayed outside until she got her surprise up and running. Standing outside the doors, I went crazy with delight. Finally she came out and faced me. "I've been working on this for a while. Sie können in jetzt kommen..." she said with a rough accent.

I laughed with delight as she brought me onto a familiar street in Eastern Germany. "Vögel zurückgegangen zu ihren Wurzeln vögel" she said.

Suddenly I burst out in hilarious laughter. "I suppose birds do return to their roots."

She stared at me quizzically as I began to correct her German. "Sie zurückgekommen zu Ihren Wurzeln," I corrected.

"Oh well, I don't speak German, so perhaps you can help me through this program, before I make a fool out of myself." As soon as the words departed from her mouth, one of the holo-characters came up and began to speak German. I turned to Samantha and laughed.

"He… He…asked you about the birds!" I exclaimed in between my gasps for air. It was inevitable. We were both on the floor, howling with laughter.

At 18:00 hours, I walked onto the bridge in my uniform and approached the Captain's Ready Room. Nervously I pressed the chimes and waited for her to invite me in. "Come in," she said almost instantly.

As I walked in, I looked up at Captain Janeway. "Sit down ensign," she said as she pointed to the sofa on the one side of the room. She waited until I had taken my seat before she continued. "The past few days have been difficult, and I apologize for keeping you waiting so long. I'm not sure if you are aware of it, but I was a great friend of Admiral Paris. He was my mentor throughout my years at the academy. Five months ago, he approached me for advice concerning a young brilliant scientist who had no interest in joining Starfleet. She was finishing up her final year of schooling, and wanted to venture more into astronomy. Already, she had a great deal of research out in Starfleet, like the disprovance of Star algorithm theory. He told me it would be a terrible blunder if he did not at least try to pull her into the fold. Yet, he was unsure of the proper measures. After all, she was 17, and she would never go to the academy… We talked for hours that night, and he became convinced that if he pulled some strings he could accomplish something no other Starfleet officer had accomplished before. He wanted to award this young lady temporary Starfleet service as an ensign. She would not have to attend the academy, but could attain proper instruction from fellow crewmates. That night, I was not at all sure if his idea was worth this risk."

I looked up at the Captain uncertain of what to say. Thankfully she continued. "From what I have seen, looks like he made the right decision. I never thought I would ever see or meet you. Yet here you are and here I am. You can't deny it, Christy, you are an intelligent scientist. I spent the entire morning pouring over some of your earlier work, amazing- just amazing."

Derisively she continued, "However, Admiral Paris's plan is complex. There are so many restrictions and privileges. For instance, you are not allowed to make or associate with any tactical decisions. Yet you have rights to attend staff briefings concerning of a scientific nature." Her voice trailed off.

"Admiral Paris was a generous man to hand me such an opportunity. However, it was only to remain effective as long as I stayed employed in Starfleet."

The Captain nodded in agreement. "Yes, I know. Still it remains that this was to be your first assignment from Admiral Paris. It was noted that you were supposed to receive basic Starfleet instruction, so it makes the decision I have to make even harder… Where do I assign you? Stellar Cartography? Sick Bay? The Science Lab? Perhaps it would be better if I had input from you. Why didn't you want to enter Starfleet?"

"My father loved ecology. Yet Starfleet though he was better suited for Quantum Mechanics. He rarely had the opportunity to pursue what he wanted. I watched him as a child staying up half the night composing proposals for studies of various ecosystems that were rejected or given to someone else before they were even glanced at. I didn't want that. I had a field that I wanted to pursue- and Starfleet was not going to separate me from it."

The expression on Captain Janeway's face became more contorted. "I suppose I would have felt the same way coming from your perspective," she said as she rubbed the area in between her eyes. "I've been doing so much thinking today. This ship is too far from home to have passengers… if you are here, you work. I hope you do understand."

I slowly concurred. She looked down at me and continued. "I've fully decided to install you to the full rank of ensign. You have been given quarters down the hall from Ensign Wildman, who has proved to be a wonderful host to you. Besides this, I gave you a few replicator rations as well. Judging from your background, I had the Commander assign your duty shifts between Astrometrics, Stellar Cartography, and the Science Lab… but for the next month or two, you are to receive instruction from Lieutenant Gebhart, the best person I know to give you that kind of instruction. He'll accompany you to your duty shifts and provide you with lessons and assignments. Let's see how things progress from there."

I smiled and replied, "Sie wissen nie, wieviel Ihre Großzügigkeit zu mir bedeutet."

The Captain laughed. "Dankbarkeiterscheinen durch Ihre Arbeit und Bemühungen."

I jumped back startled. Captain Janeway laughed again. "My grandmother taught me that old German phrase once when I was a little girl. I'm sure she didn't understand a word of it. When she died, I used a translator to see what it meant, and I was surprised. Its use has never been as fitting as the time now."

"Wait, Christy, I mean Ensign Anderson, there is one more thing. I have decided that you are to retain the privilege of attending senior staff briefings by making you a senior officer. Your expertise could always add something to our research. You are the second ensign to attain that position, so conduct yourself accordingly. And, sincerely, if you ever need anything, my door is always open." She turned her head and rose from her seat, "You are dismissed, ensign."

I silently turned and exited Captain Janeway's ready room. On the bridge, I turned in time to see Lieutenant Paris catch my gaze. I spun around and entered the turbolift, "Deck Three."

Arriving on deck three I asked the computer to locate my quarters. I enjoyed the fact that it was merely across the hall from Samantha. In anticipation, I entered the room. On the table were several PADDs containing different data. The very first was my duty shift schedule from the former Maquis Captain, now Commander Chakotay. I noticed that it started the day after tomorrow. I surveyed it with curiosity, even the encouragements of good luck at the bottom. Silently I picked up the second PADD from Lieutenant Gebhart; inside it contained my first lesson that I was to review before my first duty shift. A positive message informing me that he was looking forward to our time together was included at the bottom. Briefly I scanned the others. The authors were widely varied- Tuvok, the Chief of Security, Captain Janeway, the EMH, and even Lieutenant Stanfield, the Chief Science Officer. I made a mental note to review them all later, and returned all of the PADDs to their stacked position on the table. Unsure of what to do next, I asked the computer the time.

"It is 19:34 hours," the computer divulged instantly. Taking one last look at my new quarters, I spun around and exited the room. Once again, the corridor was silent and empty. Leisurely I sauntered into Samantha's quarters.

I sunk into an easy chair in the center of the room. Casually, I glanced around the room for the few things that were my own. My gaze hit the small pile of clothes Samantha had replicated for me. "Computer, transfer three-fourths of Ensign Christy Anderson's replicator rations to Ensign Samantha Wildman."

I waited as the computer took in my command. "Personnel Authorization Required," it replied.

My mind raced as I thought of where I could find mine. Perhaps it was in the PADD on the table from the Chief of Security. I rushed out of her quarters and into my own. I searched the text endlessly and came running back with it. "Authorization Anderson 3-3-2," I stated clearly.

I slowly smiled as I imagined how surprised she would be. After all she had done for me, I was finally able to give something back to her. I looked out the window and faced the stars. A sudden beeping on the computer screen caught my eye. 'New Comm message' it blinked. After a moment I decided to view it, figuring it was probably Samantha.

Suddenly on the computer screen came Lieutenant Paris' face. "A little bird told me the Captain sprang you. My duty shift ends at 20:00 hours, and I thought perhaps you might join me in the new mess hall for some dinner. If not, then perhaps some other time." The Comm message ended abruptly.

I sighed as I realized that I did not have much time to make my decision. Zu anderen sich zu öffnen ist der erste Jobstep in Richtung zu den Freundschaften… opening myself to others will be the first step towards friendships, I thought with a smile as I turned and left the room.

I entered the mess hall at 20:00 hours precisely. I had promised myself on the way down that the first moment I felt uncomfortable I would excuse myself and leave. Glancing around the different surroundings, it occurred to me that the room was certainly larger than I had at first thought. I glanced up as a figure near the back of the line shook his hand. Slowly I made my way over. "Lieutenant Paris," I acknowledged when I reached him.

Tom laughed. "Call me Tom, Christy," he said. Then he pointed to the young man standing beside him. "And Christy, this is Harry Kim."

Immediately Tom jumped in. "Well, why don't we get something to eat, then we can sit and talk?" He stood back to offer me a place in line in front of him. As I reached the front of the line, I was met by a strange looking alien behind the counter desperately trying to keep up with the dinner crowd. Noticing me he put the pot in his hand down, and approached the front of the counter.

I looked back at Tom for guidance. He shrugged aimlessly. "I don't know, I've never tried it." Tom then looked over to the alien, "What would you recommed Neelix?"

The alien, whose name was Neelix looked over to me. "I believe the ensign here made a delightful culinary selection. Leola Root Stew will beat anything, anyday."

I nodded as I noticed that it was the most appetizing looking out of all the unusual dishes. "Leola Root Stew it is then, Neelix." He took a bowl and poured me a large helping. Tom and Harry quickly made the same selection. I stood to the side as I waited for them to finish and choose a table. As we all sat down, I turned to see the nice young girl Kes, enter the Mess Hall and approach Neelix behind the counter. She was turning toleave after kissing Neelix gently on the cheek.

I turned my attention back to the table as Harry asked me a question. "It's a long story, needless to say, I was lost."

Tom laughed again. "How often do you know where you are? Just yesterday I had to rescue you off of Deck 4."

I intentionally diverted my gaze and stared down at my soup. I picked up my spoon and sipped a mouthful. Immediately my pallate was hit by a bitter flavor, and I quickly swallowed. I looked up just in time to see Tom taking a bite. Instantly he spit it out as he gagged. I burst out in giggles, yet the look on Harry's face became worried. "Tom, are you all right?"

Tom was practically all over the floor wincing from the extremely bitter taste. Slowly he rolled over and coughed several times. "Yeah, I… I guess so. Want to join me at the replicator to get some real food to eat?"

Harry looked over at me and I shrugged. He cautiously looked down at the soup and tried it. Instantaneously a smaller version of Tom's episode occurred. By now, the occupants of the surrounding tables were staring at us, as well as a few bystanders. Trying to regain self-composure Harry stood up and joined Tom.

Tom did a doubletake. "I've always heard Germans had strong stomachs, but this…" his voice trailed off as he walked away. I looked back at my soup and proceeded to finish eating it. I strongly reminded myself that I didn't have any rations to spend for awhile.

When the two came back with pizza, Tom brought up a different subject. "So, I guess you knew my dad?"

I nodded. "Yes, Admiral Paris gave me the opportunity to advance my studies without joining the academy."

"I wish I could say that my last memories of him were that great. Unfortunately, the last time I saw my father, was the day after I was put in jail. He told me that he wasn't bailing me out now, or ever in the future. Also, if I wanted to remain to be his son, I needed to straighten out my act because he wouldn't accept me at home otherwise. Man, he must have been so proud of you to take such a personal interest."

I shook my head. "I have no idea what your talking about. He gave me the opportunity based on his friend ship with my father. Our fathers were longtime friends. He met me when he would come to the lab to visit Father. You could always find me in the lab, because I lived and breathed there."

Tom interrupted, "Cards? A game of cards. Mr. Anderson was… I don't believe it. I used to sit there and play a few games of cards with them! He used to speak of his talented daughter…" Tom broke off and looked up at me.

Tom turned around and glared. "I wish my father had spoken so fondly of me as your father did with you. Unfortunately, I was the disappointment son in jail constantly."

I looked up an met his gaze. "Not a shred of truth… according to Admiral Paris, you were the brilliant son as from the start, struggling to find your own identity. And how your dad wished you would find it. Whether or not you believe it, your father never gave up on you. That cold exterior he showed you, was an expression of his love. No matter what you had done, he never spoke a negative word about you in front of others."

After an uncomfortable silence Harry began to talk. "So, Christy, where did the Commander assign you for your duty shifts?"

"Stellar Cartography, the Science Lab, Astrometrics…" I replied without enthusiasm.

"Astrometrics? Really? I pull that shift once a week. When is yours?" Harry questioned.

I nodded my head to confirm it. "That's right. Unfortunately for the first few weeks, I have an instructor, Lieutenant Gebhart."

"Thanks," I replied detachedly as I stared out the window at the inky blackness of space, Lücke der Nacht, the void of night, suddenly conquered by the brilliance of various hues of colors.

No sooner were the words out of his mouth, that the ship went to yellow alert. Captain Janeway's voice came over the Comm. "Senior officers report to the bridge. Senior officers report to the bridge."

Tom and Harry instantaneously stood up to excuse themselves. "I'm sorry, but we have to run," Tom said sympathetically.

I smiled as I thought about their upcoming reactions. "Not without me you don't."

My smile grew larger. "I know, my point exactly- let's get moving." I turned around to glance at the strange anomaly through the window again. As I spun back around, Harry and Tom had their mouths hanging wide open. I raised my eyebrows. "Are we going?" I questioned.

Harry began to stutter. "To… to the bridge, right." And with that the three of us rushed out of the mess hall. Tom and Harry began to run for the turbolift, and I hurried to keep up behind them. Out of breath, I jumped on, just in time.

"Bridge," Tom stated. As the turbolift began to rise, Tom turned his gaze to me. "I'm hoping for an explanation." The turbolift jolted to a halt.

All three of us walked onto the bridge, the last stragglers of the group. I slowly surveyed everyone. To my right stood Tuvok, at his tactical station. Moving counter clockwise, I could see B'Elanna, the half Klingon/ half Human Maquis, who had been appointed Chief Engineer. There then was Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay, and Tom at the helm. Harry stood to the left, at his ops station. Neelix, the infamous cook, stood at the center of the bridge, behind the Captain and the Commander.

Captain Janeway went on to point at the viewscreen. "Any idea what we're looking at?"

Tom glanced behind himself. "I don't know Captain, but whatever it is, it's pulling us into the center- and fast."

Captain Janeway snapped to attention. "Red Alert. Mr. Paris, reverse thrusters, now."

Every nut and bolt of Voyager could instantly be heard grinding, trying its best to pull away from the large fiery mass. Slowly they would make progress, but the energy's pull would draw them in farther. Eventually Torres interrupted from her console.

"Captain, we have to break off our tries. I'm receiving large energy buildup readings from Engineering. The warp core is beginning to overload. I don't know how much more the core can take before we risk a breach."

"Noted, Lieutenant. Mr. Paris, cut power to the thusters and swing around into orbit, that should buy us some time, " she turned around to stare at Harry, "How did we get this close to that thing without it showing up on sensors?"

Harry tapped his fingers all over his controls. "I am unsure of that, Captain. However, this appears to be a star, or at least it was. There are striking similarities- same composition of matter, similar energy readings."

Neelix slightly raised his hand. "Captain, if I may interject, I believe I have heard of this before. All Talaxians call this the Firelight Trap. Unfortunately that is because no Talaxian vessel has ever escaped once being pulled in."

Captain Janeway's face held no amusement. "Mr. Neelix, how well known is this anomaly?"

"Well, Captain, every Talaxian knows of it… there are a great deal of other people that do I suppose, and even though this is the first time I have seen it, I've never heard of escape. There apparently have been many ships that have been pulled in and destroyed."

"Lovely." The sarcastic words came like a two-edged sword from her mouth. She turned around to face me. "Ensign Anderson, we all know your field was astronomy. I sure hope you have something to add to this conversation."

I looked up at the viewscreen. I saw a blazing, burning, fiery mass. The protruding flares held bright and brilliant hues of orange, yellow, and red. The ball was massive, and it seemed to be made of pure energy. It appeared opaque one moment and transparent the next. The vacuum of space around it seemed to be in a state of constant frenzied flux.

I stared at the Captain and opened my mouth to speak. "Ich glaube dem Anblick nicht vor meinen Augen. Diese Abweichung ist die gemergten Tagessterne. Ich dachte nie, daß dieses existierente. Dieser Anblick ist erstaunlich und ich hatte Recht!"

"Ensign Anderson, unless you expect me to turn on the universal translator, you will explain yourself in English this moment."

I swallowed hard as I realized I had become distracted and let myself slip. I desperately tried to retrieve my words. "I apologize Captain. I merely said that I do not believe the sight before my eyes. This anomaly is the Merged Daystars. No one thought this existed; I was right!"

Chakotay left his chair and approached me. "Ensign?" he said as he approached me.

"Back on earth, around the 15th century, there was a large bright mass that could be seen in the skies over eastern Germany. Astronomers studied it for months and informed everyone that all had merely witnessed the death of a star. Yet, when I examined more records I realized there had to be more to it than that. According to a leading scientist, the image appeared to be two centimeters as viewed from earth with the naked eye. By converting the size, this thing observed had to be massive. I hypothesized that they witnessed the death of a ternary star. When all three collapsed at once, the isotopes of the masses fused together to form a united and extremely unstable, yet strong gravimetric nucleus. The chemical conversions and calculations I had worked perfectly with this hypothesis, yet I did not have any scans to prove it, so my hypothesis was discarded. I believe though, if we scan the mass for radiotonic isotopes, we can confirm that the mass is larger than the supernova of a single star. Ensign Kim, can you scan the anomaly for radiotonic isotopes?"

Harry immediately looked over to Captain Janeway for her approval. "Do it ensign," she said without hesitation.

"Captain, there are 15 million terralites of radiotonic triatons," Harry said from his station.

I glanced over at Harry, without a single idea of how many isotopes he indicated. "Ensign Kim, could you please convert that to an isotonic frequency?" I asked politely.

Harry blushed. "Of course right away." He moved his fingers fast to make the calculation. Exasperated, he slammed his fist down on his console.

However Harry still poured over his console desperately trying to complete the calculation. He let out a sigh as he gave up. "Yeah, I guess so."

Captain Janeway's glare zeroed in on me as I continued. "Captain, that's undoubtedly the sudden collapse of a binary star. The largest star known to man was 24 terralites. That's 18 terralites extra. There is the correct amount of isotopes for the existence of two stars."

Immediately the bridge was shaken by an unknown force. Torres jumped back up to her console. "Captain, Voyager is triggering small explosions of the endoplasmic particles that are surrounding the anomaly's core."

"Shields," the Captain said immediately. Voyager shook again from a second bombardment of explosions. "Report."

"Our shields are down to 74% and falling, Captain," Mr. Tuvok replied from his tactical console.

Mr. Paris interjected. "Captain, I hate to make bad news worse, but the explosions are pulling us in farther to the core."

For a split second, the look on the Captain's face betrayed her rising panic. From behind her, Neelix began to hyperventilate as he jumped all over the bridge proclaiming that we were all going to die to within moments. He raced around out of control, his shrieks becoming louder and louder… we were all going to die.

Inside my mind, my thoughts began to race- steadily picking up their pace. Homesickness began to rush my consciousness, creating havoc through my already chaotic thoughts. Images began to rush through my mind, and out of the blue, I could see a younger version of my father running towards me, extremely concerned for my safety. Hervorbringen Sie, wenn nur Sie hier waren, Sie könnte mir außer meinen Freunden, dieser Mannschaft helfen…Father, if only you were here, you could help me save my friends, this crew. As sudden as it had come, the visions of my father ceased, and I could hear a haunting voice shouting, taunting… Und die Lücke der Nacht überschattet Sie… and the void of night shall overshadow you… and the void of night shall overshadow you…

Groggily I wiped my eyes. As I looked up, she could see the entire senior staff looking over me. Realizing I was on the floor of the bridge, I shoved my way past Tom and scrambled to my feet. Trying to recover, I attempted to lighten the situation, "The last set of explosions must have knocked me off my feet." I forced a couple chuckles.

I began to feel my cheeks reddening. "I am fine, Lieutenant," I managed to squeak out. On my feet I looked up at the viewscreen, trying to recall the last few harrowing moments. The supernova was still burning as bright as ever. As I walked forward, I almost stumbled over Mr. Neelix, lying on the floor.

"There is no need to be afraid ensign. I had to sedate him," Mr. Tuvok informed me.

Slowly I nodded, remembering his episode. Tom came up and put his hands on my shoulders, staring me in the eyes. "Are you ok…ensign?"

Fortunately, another set of explosions prevented me from answering. "Places," Captain Janeway said without hesitation. She looked up at me, "Christy, do you know anything that can help us escape?"

Mr. Tuvok tapped his console. "At my calculations we have 18 hours at the most, Captain."

Captain Janeway nodded and began to bark out orders. "Lieutenant Tuvok and Lieutenant Torres, I want you to see if there is anyway we can boost shields and protect ourselves from these explosions."

Both officers nodded and proceeded to exit the bridge. Within their exit, the captain continued, "Ensign Kim and Ensign Anderson report to the Science Lab and see if further research will provide a means of escape."

I nodded and took a last look at the viewscreen. The voice came back, Und die Lücke der Nacht überschattet Sie… and the void of night shall overshadow you. I could see the vacuum surrounding the anomaly in a state of constant frenzied flux. Und die Lücke der Nacht überschattet Sie… and the void of night shall overshadow you… what was it with that phrase?

In the back of my mind I heard the Captain ordering Tom to report to Sickbay, but abruptly she cut off. "Tom," I heard her call. My head began to spin. I could see the Captain, the Commander, Tom, and Harry in front of me, slowly spinning out of view. Und die Lücke der Nacht überschattet Sie… and the void of night shall overshadow you… Und die Lücke der Nacht überschattet Sie… and the void of night shall overshadow you…

"Christy, are you all right? Hold on, we're transporting you to Sickbay, hold on, please."

The voices began to fade and all I could hear was the lone, solitary, taunting screams, Und die Lücke der Nacht überschattet Sie… and the void of night shall overshadow you… I could once again see my father, this time embracing my mother. They were both in tears, crying; there was no comfort for them. I could not hold onto my thoughts, I was frightened. Ist dieses, was es das Gleiche zum Sterben ist? Is this what it is like to die?

I awoke in Sickbay, being tossed from side to side by the explosions. Tom was standing over me again, with the EMH, or how most of the crew now referred to him, the Doctor. The young girl, Kes, was calling out random numbers from a nearby console. "Shh…," the doctor said, "She is awake. How are you feeling ensign?"

I sat up on the biobed just as Voyager was rocked again from the explosions. I felt a sudden enlightenment. "The isotopes!" I yelled. "The isotopes will get us out!"

The Doctor ran his tricorder up and down. "She is hallucinating," he stated to Kes. "Get me that hypospray over there."

"The isotopes, Tom, the isotopes will release us. You must get me to the Science Lab, now!"

Tom began to follow my commands without hesitation. He gently picked me up off the bed and headed for the doors to exit Sickbay.

"Oh no you don't, Mr. Paris! Return my patient to the biobed. She has suffered extreme stress to her…"

"Doctor, I am fine!" I shrieked. "You must allow me to go to the Science lab…"

Exasperated he sat me back down, and the doctor moved to sedate me. "No," Tom insisted, "let the Captain talk to her first. She may be our only way out of here."

Following Tom's lead I tapped my Comm badge. "Ensign Anderson to the Captain," I managed to get out.

Captain Janeway instantaneously responded. "What is it ensign? Are you all right?"

I opened my mouth to answer, but collapsed onto the biobed in exhaustion. Kes began to finish my message. "Ensign Anderson would like to speak to you in Sickbay, Captain. But hurry, the Doctor is unsure of how long she will stay conscious."

I breathed a sigh of relief and fought to keep back the foggy clouds of sleepiness. The doors to Sickbay swished open and Ensign Wildman barged in.

I looked up at the familiar face now distorted with concern. "Ich bin Sie bin hier mit mir sehr froh… I'm… glad you're here," I managed to say slowly.

The doors opened again as the Captain walked in. "Is this a party?" the Captain questioned with a smile in an attempt to lighten the mood.

As she approached me Voyager shook again from another series of explosions. She turned to Tom.

Tom nodded and abruptly left. Ensign Wildman turned to leave as well. "You may stay ensign… I know you and Christy have become close."

At hearing her voice I made an attempt to sit up. "Captain," I tried to manage, "I must get to the Science Lab. The isotopes will help get us out of here. We can use them… to… release…us… Aber ich muß an das Labor sofort gelangen, während der Plan noch in meinem Verstand frisch ist. Sie müssen mir helfen..., Ich muß dort jetzt erhalten..., Voyager hängt von diesem... ab." My body was becoming weak, and I could barely hang on.

"I'm not sure," he continued, "Kes, get me…" his voice faded out. The previous screams resumed, but the phrases were muddled. Ausfall!… und die Lücke der Nacht überschatten Sie… Haus ist, wo das Innere yearns… die Isotope zurückzubringen löst das Problem…, Ich bin hier mit Ihnen…, Christy, wie ich wünsche, waren Sie hier mit mir…, Failure... and the void of night shall overshadow you... home is where the heart yearns to return... the isotopes will solve the problem... I am here with you... Christy, how I wish you were here with me...

"No!" I shouted. Suddenly I could see the Captain again. She began to proceed quickly.

My breathing was heavy, and I struggled hard to search for the right English words. "The molecules are polar, they share ionic bonds," I said slowly.

The Captain raised her eyebrows. "That's impossible!" She reached and tapped her Comm badge. "Captain to Ensign Kim."

Harry's voice came over the Comm. "Captain, more than 80% of the anomaly consists of polar molecules. There is something stranger though… they all share ionic bonds. Sensors must be malfunctioning, Captain."

The Captain's mouth dropped open and she gasped. "Stand by, Mr. Kim. Janeway out."

I struggled to consciousness once again. "Captain, you must… reverse the shield polarity and simultaneously… jump to Warp 8, into the… anomaly. Hurry, the… situation is… growing worse."

Voyager was instantly rocked by the explosions again. I reached out to assure the Captain, but the room began to swirl again. The Doctor reached out and injected a hypospray. "Try to be calm, ensign, and just relax."

Janeway looked down and gave me a smile. "Mr. Tuvok, reverse the shield polarity of Voyager. Lieutenant Torres, reinitialize the warp engines and secure the warp core. Mr. Paris, plot a course directly into the anomaly, and stand by to engage, warp eight."

"Tuvok ready, Captain. Are you certain this is the best way to proceed? Perhaps we should run a few simulations before we take direct action. We have precisely two hours left…"

She looked down at me as the ship went flying into the anomaly, and was precariously bounced back out of range of the gravimetric forces. I could hear conduits exploding and the ventilation of gas hissing. Janeway picked herself up off the floor. "Report," she said.

Harry's voice came over the Comm. "Minor damage to decks 6 and 7. Gas is flooding parts of deck 2, it has already been contained."

Mr. Tuvok reported next. "Minor injuries to 8 crew members. No casualties. Repair crews are responding."

"Nice work, everyone. Begin repairs immediately. I'll be back to the bridge in a second."

I watched her as she turned and left Sickbay. The Doctor came over and ran some more scans. "Samantha," I called.

"Quiet," the doctor said, "You're feverish." He turned to stare at Samantha who had come back to my side. "Make it quick ensign, she needs her rest."

I sucked in a breath of air. "I… want to thank… you, thank you… for everything you… have done for me…" My voice dropped off as I was overcome with sleep.

She stroked my hair. "Sie kommen zur gutgesundheit zurück… You will return to good health."

Slowly Sickbay dropped out of view and I was enclosed in sleep. I began to dream as the old lab materialized before my eyes. I saw my father now hunched over a microscope. He noticed my entrance and smiled. " Willkommen, meine Tochter… Welcome, my daughter." He walked over to me and planted a kiss on my forehead. " Vertiefung getan, mein lieber, guter Arbeit. Sie haben mich stolz gebildet… Well done, my dear, good job."

My eyelids fluttered open, and I was flooded with light. Groggily I sat up and realized I was still on the biobed in Sickbay. Kes smiled as she noticed my movement, and slowly she walked up to me. "Good morning, Christy. How are you feeling?" she said cheerfully.

"Good morning Kes," I managed to get out. I felt like I had been hit with a two-ton weight. "I'm feeling much better," I lied. "Where is the Doctor?"

Suddenly the Doctor shimmered into view. "Please state the nature of the medical emergency," he said flatly. He turned and noticed me. "Oh, Ensign Anderson, you're up."

"I feel a little groggy this morning, but it's nothing much," I said, almost wincing from the pain in my head.

"Well, it's a wonder. Whoever treated you for radiation poisoning when you were an infant was not a skilled physician. They merely reduced the harmful symptoms."

I raised my eyebrows. "My hallucinations and unconsciousness were all because of the radiation poisoning I had when I was little? Why hadn't the symptoms reasserted themselves before now?"

The Doctor picked up his tricorder and looked at me as if I was the largest idiot in the world. "Ensign Anderson, the anomaly consisted of 83% radiotonic isotopes. Your prolonged exposure to the slight radiation reasserted the old radiation poisoning. Your hallucinations and unconsciousness were only the beginning symptoms. You're very lucky we caught this when we did." The Doctor finished his scans and put the tricorder down. "You are no longer in harm's way, yet I'm requesting you at least take a day off to rest, maybe more."

"You can if I say you will," the Doctor said in an annoyed tone. "I want you to come back in at 18:00 hours, to see how your recovery is progressing. If I don't think you're fit for duty, I will tell Lieutenant Gebhart so."

The Doctor picked up a hypospray and injected me with some medicine. "This should subside any side affects you are having this morning. You can go as soon as Ensign Wildman comes to retrieve you."

I nodded as the Doctor left towards his office. Kes came over to talk. "You gave everyone a scare yesterday when you passed out. Tom was thoroughly convinced that you were dying."

"For awhile Kes, with my bizarre hallucinations, I was really convinced I was dying."

The doors to Sickbay swished open and Samantha came in. "Are you ready to leave?" she questioned.

I managed to jump off the biobed and stand up straight. The dizziness I began to experience soon wore off as the drug began to work. With newfound strength, I walked out of Sickbay and followed Samantha to the turbolift. As we stepped out onto Deck 3, she took me to my quarters. "I finished moving your things to your quarters yesterday after I left Sickbay. I figured you would still be feeling too badly to complete the task yourself."

As I entered in, I could still see the stack of PADDs on the table just as I had left them. I made a mental note to review my first lesson before tomorrow. As I turned to stare through the window I noticed something that had not been there before- a telescope, similar to the one I had used in my Father's lab.

"The telescope is more for decoration than it is for use. I figured it would make your quarters more homelike. I replicated the exact duplicate of the telescope the German Johann Kepler used. From my research, he was a very prominent scientist in his day."

I ran up to the telescope and took every aspect about it in. "Ich liebe dieses Teleskop… I love it! Thank you so much Samantha." I turned around and gave her a hug. She had done everything possible for me to make the transition easier.

Samantha's face furrowed in deep thought. "Will you give me German lessons?" she asked. "I always thought it would be fun to learn a different language. German is as good as any place to start."

I nodded, flattered that she would want to learn my primary language. "Of course I'll teach you. We can begin right now with a simple phrase. Ready?"

"Danke lieber Freund," she repeated several times before she got it just right. "What does it mean?" she asked when I gave my nod of approval.

Samantha's eyes brimmed with tears. "I'll leave you to rest, we can set up some times for the lessons tomorrow."

After giving me a hug goodbye, she turned and left the room. I picked up a different set of clothes and headed to the sonic shower. After washing, I sank into my bed and stared out the window towards the telescope. It brought back memories of my Father in the old lab. Tears began to flow down my cheeks as I realized more and more that I would never see him again, never sit in the lab with him again. I flipped over onto my other side, trying desperately to block out the images, but the damage had been done. I burst out into uncontrollable sobs. Dieses ist nicht die Zeit für Risse… this is not the time for tears. Stoppen Sie zu schreien… stop crying. Eventually I took control of my emotions and wiped my eyes dry. I got out of bed and sat at the table in the center of my quarters. I located the PADD from Lieutenant Gebhart with my first lesson on it. Slowly I poured my attentions on it. Basic sensor operation, it looked easy. I read over it once, twice, and a third time to be sure I had the gist of it. I had not met Lieutenant Gebhart, but I was sure only the best would do.

I sighed and set it down on the table to give my eyes a rest. Surveying the room once more, my eyes fell upon something that had not been there before. On the ledge near the window was a bright red and cheerful object. Picking it up, I could see it was an old-fashioned card. Inside were wishes for a return to good health from the senior staff. I surveyed the small messages from each person. Almost all of them said the same thing. The messages from Captain Janeway, Chakotay, and Tuvok… Harry, B'Elanna… the Doctor had even written one reminding me to report to Sickbay at 18:00 hours. My eyes suddenly cast down upon Tom's, which was so different from the rest. Inside the three sentences was a promise to stop by later today to check on me. I looked up at a single spot on the wall. Something I had heard Admiral Paris telling my Father…

My thoughts were interrupted as the door chimes rang. I turned around and faced the door, already knowing who it was. "Come in," I said.

Tom sauntered in the room. "Good morning, Christy. You look much better standing up today than you did sprawled out on the bridge floor."

I shook my head. "Nothing, it is just that when I came to consciousness the first time, seeing everyone standing above me on the bridge was just slightly hair-raising. The experience had me extremely frightened."

"Thanks, Tom. Kes told me this morning that you were convinced I was dying, despite the Doctor's efforts to convince you otherwise."

Now Tom took his turn and laughed. "Well you never know when his matrix is malfunctioning, you looked really terrified and awfully pale." Tom walked over to the table I had been sitting at and picked up the PADD I had discarded. "Ah, your first lesson for tomorrow… Basic Sensor Operation… need any help?"

I shook my head. "No, that lesson is basically the height of my knowledge of Starfleet," I said inertly.

"Well if you need any help with your lessons, feel free to call on me. I didn't pass all of my courses at the academy, but I should be able to help you in the beginning."

"Thank you for your offer. I will be sure to let you know if I have any problems," I said gratefully.

"The Doctor said that he gave you the day off to rest, so maybe you would like to spend some time together on the holodeck today?" Tom asked suddenly. "A dinner date?"

I glanced at him warily; his face held a genuine pleading look. I sighed as I gave in. "Of course, that would be lovely Tom. When were you thinking of?"

"Fantastic, I'll be right outside your quarters then, five minutes before. You can count on me to be on time."

His pledge to be on time brought a smile to my face. This would be something to see. "I'll see you then Tom," I said.

I sank back into the chair, and picked up the PADD again. I mentally quizzed myself and determined my strengths and weaknesses. I began to study it once more, but for some strange reason, I set it down again. As a different idea occurred to me, I stood up from the chair and moved to pick my uniform up from the dresser. My life on Voyager was great, but all I had been able to think about was my Father. I realized I needed advice from the only person who had been able to give it to me throughout my life, my Father. I remembered sitting for hours talking with him in the lab, listening to the wise bits of knowledge that I lived off of. His knowledge and logic were the things in my life that I had taken for granted, but I realized now how much comfort and safety they had brought into my youth. Silently, I changed back into my uniform and picked the PADD from Lieutenant Gebhart up again. Fixing my hair, I walked out of my quarters and headed for the holodeck. Standing outside, I drew in a sharp breath. "Computer, activate program Anderson 2."

I waited impatiently for what seemed like an eternity before the Computer confirmed, "Program active."

I drew in another sharp breath and entered the holodeck. Immediately the familiar lab surrounded me. I heaved a sigh as I looked around. The two places looked almost identical. It had taken me a few hours the past week to recreate the now familiar scene. "Add holo-character William Anderson," I commanded evenly. A picture perfect image of my Father shimmered into view. I walked up to the frozen character. If I had not known where I was, I would have sworn I was on earth and that none of the past few events had ever happened.

Instantaneously the simulation began and my Father looked up at me. "Willkommen, meine liebe Tochter. Wie war Ihre erste Woche an der Arbeit?… Welcome, my dear daughter. How was your first week at work?"

I was set off balance by his first set of questions. Hurriedly I gave a reply, "It was wonderful… Celsius Prime was a perfect opportunity for learning. But Father, I have been gone for more than a week, you know."

The hologram looked up at me and paused. "Ich weiß, aber es scheint, daß Ihre Abwesenheit nur eine kleine Zeit war, nun da Sie und hier mit mir Haupt- sind… I know, but it seems your absence was only a small time, now that you are home and here with me." He approached me and gave me a warm hug. "Ich vermißte Sie Christy, wie Ihre Mutter… I missed you Christy, as did your mother."

My Father sat down and looked through the microscope. "Bildeten Sie irgendwelche netten Freunde?… Did you make any nice friends?" he continued.

"Ich bildete viele Freunde, Vater, auf Voyager… I made many friends, Father, on Voyager..." I said with a sad tone.

I froze as I realized that the hologram had no personal insight into my life. "Yes, Voyager. It was the science station we were at."

My Father smiled. "Erklären Sie mir über Ihre Freunde, Christy… Tell me about your friends, Christy."

"I met a nice woman, her name was Samantha Wildman. She is a geologist. She helped me adjust to Voyager- Samantha tried everything to make my life more easier. She is expecting a child, and I know she will make a wonderful mother. I became a very good friend with Samantha. I also met a young man, his name was Harry Kim."

"Ein junger Mann, Christy? Gehen Sie auf… A young man, Christy? Go on..." My Father looked up as to encourage me to continue.

"Yes, I met Harry. He seems to be an interesting person to talk to. I met many other people too. There was Neelix; he was the cook. He cooked all sorts of foods you have never seen, Father. Some were good, and others would have made you gag, still they were nutritious. I also met Neelix's girlfriend, Kes. She worked in Sickbay with the Doctor- she is a kind and caring person." I stopped before I mentioned the remaining person.

My Father looked up disturbed when he heard me break off abruptly. "Gibt es jemand sonst?… Is there anyone else?"

I wanted to say no, but like my Father, this hologram had a way of drawing it out of me. I thought of how my Father would respond to the next comment I was going to make. "Yes, I met Tom Paris, Admiral Paris' son," I said hurriedly.

The hologram looked up at me as I waited to see how it would respond. "The Admiral's son… be a good friend to him, Tom needs one."

I let out a breath of air. Fortunately holodeck characters did not possess all of the information actual corresponding people did. My Father began adjusting the microscope. He looked up at me and continued. "Seien Sie klug und erinnern Sie sich an Ihr Alter, zwar. Sie, meine Tochter, sind nur siebzehn… Be wise and remember your age, though. You, my daughter, are only seventeen."

I looked up amazed. His comment reminded me of all the times my Father had surprised me by acting in an unexpected way. The hologram's added comment about my age made me miss my Father even more. "Ich hervorbringen. Zu vergessen ist nicht einfach, denn ich bin jünger als jeder… I will, Father. It is not easy to forget, for I am younger than everyone."

My Father nodded and motioned me over to where he was working passionately. I looked through the microscope and saw that he was studying a small section of a leaf. "Erhielten Sie die Gelegenheit, Ökologie zu studieren?… Did you get the opportunity to study ecology?" I questioned.

"Nr., aber ich können immer träumen. Ich beendete gerade meine Arbeit früh heute… No, but I can always dream. I just finished my work early today," he replied downtrodden.

"Ich bin, Vater traurig. Ihre Wahrscheinlichkeit kommt ein Tag… I am sorry, Father. Your chance will come one day," I offered hopefully.

My Father smiled and patted me on the hand. "Was wichtig ist, ist, daß Sie Ihre Wahrscheinlichkeit jetzt haben. Ich kann nicht anfangen, Ihnen zu erklären, wie stolz auf Sie ich bin… What is important is that you have your chance now. I can not begin to tell you how proud of you I am." He glanced up from the notes he had begun to write. He nodded at the PADD I held in my left hand.

"Kamen Sie her zu arbeiten? Ich erfasse dort bin etwas noch Sie Wunsch sich zu befassen… Did you come here to work? I sense there is something still you wish to talk about."

I looked up at him, surprised he had read my thoughts. " Vater, würden Sie vermissen mich, wenn ich während einer sehr langen Zeit weit weg gehen sollte?… Father, would you miss me if I were to go far away for a very long time?"

My Father placed his pen down and walked over to me. He put his arm around my shoulder and said, "Diese was ist, störend Sie, ist meine Tochter? Möchten sie Sie weit weg senden für eine Weile? Ich versichere Ihnen daß, ich Sie vermisse, bis mein Inneres brechen würde… Is this what is bothering you, my daughter? Do they wish to send you far away for a while? I will assure you, I will miss you 'til my heart would break."

He gave me a hug. "Haben Sie Ihrer Mutter erklärt?… Have you told your mother?"

I shook my head. "Not yet, but I know she would miss me just as much. Would Kenneth miss me?"

"Ja vermißt Kenneth Sie sehr viel. Aber er verfaßt in seinen Studien, wenn er die Eingang Prüfung führen soll… Yes, Kenneth will miss you very much. But the mischief maker will be engrossed in his studies if he is to pass the entrance exam for Starfleet."

The familiarity of my surroundings made my eyes tear up and I began to burst out into tears.

My Father looked worried. "Sorgen Sie sich nicht. Er macht nicht aus, wie lang Sie gegangen werden, denn Sie kommen immer nach Hause zurück. Und obwohl Ihre Mutter und ich Sie vermissen, warten wir geduldig auf Sie. Wenn Sie zurückkommen, macht er nicht aus, wie lang er gewesen ist, weil Sie zurück sind… Do not worry. It does not matter how long you are gone, for you will always return home. And even though your Mother and I will miss you, we will wait patiently for you. When you return, it will not matter how long it has been, because you are back."

My tears became harder. "Vater, was, wenn ich nie zurückkomme?… Father, what if I never return?"

My Father shook his head and drew me closer. "Sie kommen immer nach Hause zurück. Sie werden zu ihm gezeichnet. Haus ist, wo das Innere wünscht zurückzugehen. Sie atmen den Atem des Lebens von hier… You will always return home. You are drawn to it. Home is where the heart yearns to return. You breathe the very breath of life from here."

He helped me stand up and took me back over to the microscope. Slowly he continued, "Ihre Abwesenheiten fordern die Gesetze der Wissenschaft und der Logik heraus. Wenn Sie für eine sehr lange Zeit und Rückkehr gegangen werden, scheint er, als ob Sie nur während eines Momentes gegangen wurden… Your absences defy the laws of science and logic. When you are gone for a very long time and return, it seems as if you were only gone for a moment."

"Christy, wenn die Lücke der Nacht überschattet Sie… die Lücke der Nacht…"

The void of night? Where had he come up with that phrase? Out of the entire German language, the holo-character had pulled out that phrase. My breathing became heavier as I realized how much those words had rattled me. Part of me wanted to resume the program out of sheer curiosity. What was he going to say next? But part of me was more afraid of what he could say. I sat down on one of the chairs in the simulation to catch my breath.

When I did, I chided myself for being so childish. It was only a coincidence. "Computer, … resume program."

My Father resumed talking, "… die Chloroplaste schwimmen herum, um das natürliche Licht zu finden, das sie benötigen… the chloroplasts swim around to find the natural light they need."

The holodeck appeared before me. I sighed; perhaps I needed a rest. I must have been imagining things, because the void of night had nothing to do with the chloroplasts. I picked up the PADD and turned around to walk out. "Lebe wohl, Vater… Goodbye, Father," I said as I exited the holodeck and headed back to my own quarters.

I had commanded the Computer to wake me up at 17:50 hours, but when it signaled me to awake, I didn't. I felt so sleepy, and the bed was invitingly warm. However I did not realize how much of a mistake that was. At 18:01 hours, the Doctor's voice came over the Comm. "Doctor to Ensign Anderson."

The Doctor's impatient voice came in a torrent of words. "I believe you were supposed to report to Sickbay at 18:00 hours for a checkup."

Late and disgruntled, I arrived in Sickbay nearly ten minutes later. I began to apologize to the Doctor, but he cut me off abruptly.

"Apologies will get you nowhere ensign. I do not believe I need to release you for duty if you will be prone to tardiness. Sit on biobed two. I will be right over."

I nodded and decided to let him blow off some steam before I argued about attending my first duty shift tomorrow. He came over with a tricorder and ran it up and down a few times. "Have you been experiencing any hallucinations?" he asked accordingly.

"Nothing, it must be a stress after symptom." He injected me with a hypospray. "This should help counteract these readings." He turned to me. "Ensign Anderson, how many duty shifts do you have tomorrow?"

"I have two, Doctor. One at 03:00 hours in Astrometrics, and a second at 18:00 hours in the Science Lab."

The Doctor raised his eyebrows. "Well I'd hardly say you'd be overworked," he sighed and then continued, "I will let you attend your shifts only if you promise to take it easy and to report to Sickbay at once if your situation worsens."

He waved passively to dismiss me. "That's all I will be needing. You may go, ensign."

I walked out of Sickbay and went back to my quarters. There I poured over the replicator for hours, trying to decide what to wear for my dinner with Tom. As my Grandmother would say, it was a problem. Eventually my practical senses kicked in and I replicated a knee-length, dark green silk dress typical of the 20th century in Germany. Father had always loved the color green.

Despite my expectations, Tom showed up at the exact time he had promised. The doors swished open to reveal him standing there in a suit, with a smile as large as Germany. "You look perfect," he said.

I thanked him and took his arm as he led me to the holodeck. I had no idea what to expect, my apprehension of Tom had seemed to be undeserved, yet I felt myself on guard. As I looked up, I noticed that the large smile was still on his face. "Computer," he commanded, "activate program Germany 5."

Tom took a step to the side and gave a graceful bow. "After you," he petitioned.

I took a step into the holodeck and was surrounded by the familiar sounds of the German language. I looked around the restaurant- small, quaint, minimal lighting. Tom came up from behind me. "Where are we?" I asked.

I glanced around my surroundings again. Off in a small corner was a violinist playing soft, slow music. The waiter was at another table, waiting upon a pair of hologram lovers. Taking the moment of privacy we had I turned and asked Tom, "So, what do you call this charming restaurant of yours?"

He shrugged. "I guess I could call it Paris'. A short name for a small place, what do you think?"

I shook my head. "And insult all the German? No, try something else a little less French."

His brow furrowed in thought. "How do you say 'The Stars of Hamburg' in German?"

"I didn't," he said softly, "I saw those stars in your eyes. So I suppose then, that this restaurant should be Christy's…"

My gaze fell downcast, and I could feel the blush in my cheeks. I looked up unsure of what to say. He certainly had his charms…

Unfortunately, both of us fell under the spell of silence, and we sat at our table in that same trance for a few minutes until the waiter came up. "Und was würden Sie und Ihr Datum wünschen, zu essen?"

"Ah," Tom said as he nodded. He turned to the waiter and patted his arm. "Ich glaube, daß ich mich bereits um ihm, freundlichen Sir kümmerte."

The waiter's face lit up in an understanding as he turned and headed for the kitchen.

I smiled in recognition. "You sound like Kenneth. Now that I think of it, you remind me a great deal of him."

I shook my head firmly. "Kenneth was a family friend, two years older than me, who became an assistant to my Father in the lab. Eventually, my Father took him under his wing and began to teach him science. He was a natural scientist, like myself, yet he held to the teaching that play came before work. Eventually his interests spanned beyond science and he began to dream himself at the helm of a great starship. My Father would complain about him for hours when he was away. 'That boy has a mind for science,' he would say. 'Yes, Father, but his dreams are hooked to the helm,' I would tell him in reply. Kenneth failed a few grades, so we were in the same classes together in school, until I was passed up another grade. Kenneth was horribly mad, because it meant that if I changed my mind about Starfleet, I would be the one to graduate first. His anger grew twice its original size though, when Admiral Paris awarded me temporary Starfleet service. There was steam coming from his ears when he found out. The one thing I loved about Kenneth though, were his funny puns that he brought with him to the lab. Kenneth did not speak German, but he understood it, and he could read it. My Father and I would converse in German, and Kenneth would speak English, but we all could understand each other, and so we made a great team. I suppose that's what I miss the most."

Tom looked into my eyes. "I bet the separation from your home and family has been hard on you."

He put his hands across the table and grasped mine in support. "I'm very sorry, Christy."

I pulled my hands away to dry my tears, and forced the remaining ones back. "I shouldn't be crying now," I told him with a fake smile. "Now, tell me about the rest of your life. I am sure you have some interesting tales to tell."

Our eyes met for but a moment and we were drawn to each other from across the table. For a moment, I wanted to kiss him, but I realized how much my emotions were on the fritz. This was not the time for a relationship; this did not feel right. I turned my head at the last moment, and felt his soft kiss on my cheek.

Tom sat back to his side of the table with a confused look on his face. "Christy, I apologize," he began.

My eyes were already brimming with new tears. "No," I interrupted him. His apology would only make this more difficult. I tried to find my English, but it slipped beneath my grasp. " Tom, dieses hat nicht Recht. Ich bin nicht das rechte Mädchen, ist dieses nicht die rechte Zeit, und tief in Ihrem Inneren, Tom, wissen Sie das."

Tom glanced down at his plate, unsure of what to do. He wanted to run after me, but he couldn't keep his mind off my words. They had been filled with such emotion. At that moment the waiter came up and raised his eyebrow when he saw that I was missing. Slowly he turned and walked away.

The computer beeped. "Translation complete. Ensign Anderson's last words were, " Tom, this is not right. I am not the right person, this is not the right time, and deep in your heart, Tom, you know that."

Tom sat back down in his seat and put his head in his arms. The computer's hollow voice was no match for the display of emotion he had seen from my face. Slowly he swallowed and stood up once more.

But by the last few words, Tom had already exited the program with one destination in mind.

I sat on my bed, finally in control of the tears. In the same moment I knew why I had left Tom there, and yet I was unsure of why I had left Tom there. I was unsure of why he had wanted to expand our friendship to something more. I was too unsure of too many things. Some of the advice that the hologram of my Father had given me earlier came back. Remember your age… I was 17, and when was I ever going to forget that… For an instant, I wished wholeheartedly that I had said no when Tom had first asked about the date. Tom was a wonderful person, just like Kenneth, but he had somebody else out there for him. Was tue ich hier? Ich gehöre nicht hier… What am I doing here? I do not belong to here. A tear escaped my cautiousness and began its bitter descent down my cheek. I was alone here, and I knew I had to accept that. I was alone and left to guide myself through my life. I gave myself a smile in a weak attempt to lift my spirits. Seien Sie hell… be bright, cheer up.

Tom entered, his hair mussed and his tie out of place, and immediately began his dialogue. "Christy, I am sorry for my behavior. I seem to jump endlessly from one meaningless relationship to another, and I want nothing to jeopardize our friendship."

I laughed and all my concerns seemed to melt away. "Tom, I want nothing to come between our friendship either. I apologize for leaving you there on the holodeck; I did not know what to do. Tom, the right person is coming, but I'm not her…"

"Shh," Tom cut me off and gave me a hug. He seemed to understand my message and attempted to ease the tension between us. "We'll always be friends, Christy. Now why don't we go to the mess hall and get ourselves something to eat. Perhaps we'll meet Harry on the way."

Tom acknowledged my request and headed towards the door. "I'll be back in ten minutes," he said with a smile as he exited.

The doors swished shut and I found myself alone once more, but the pain that I had had in my heart for so long was lifted, and the thought of being alone wasn't nearly as depressing. The isolation, the tears, the homesickness were all absent, banished by his promise of friendship. Ich gehöre hier… I do belong here.

With that thought, I grabbed my uniform and began to change out of the stuffy green silk dress. The dark color flashed me back to a familiar image of my Father in the old lab, his eyes as bright as always. And I could see him as he turned his face to me and softly said, "Und die Lücke der Nacht überschattet Sie, aber sie wird zerstreut durch die Bindungen der Freundschaft… And the Void of Night will overshadow you, but it will be dispersed by the Bonds of Friendship…"

"Und die Lücke der Nacht überschattet Sie, aber sie wirdzerstreut durch die Bindungen der Freundschaft… (And the Void of Night will overshadow you, but it will be dispersed by the Bonds of Friendship)" - Johann Kepler, German Scientist

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